Chatting online? This is something that honestly bores me because it’s so superficial. The very name of this fashionable activity irks me: ‘chat’ in its original medieval meaning is ‘idle gossip’ (chateren). Interestingly, in Hindi chatt means parasite and soldiers in the Napoleonic wars referred to lice as chats. A World War II hero, my father often used ‘chatty’ to mean itchy or time for a bath.

When chatting, most people just stick to polite formulas, but the most irritating thing is you know they are cultivating you to get a favour from you. The dreaded Networking! Back-scratching, I call it, but the itch never goes away because there’s desperate greed in the world today: greed for the most contacts, likes, compliments, etc. But in truth, it all revolves around money. As a writer and spiritually awake person, chatting is barren, and I don’t have time for it because it is usually fraught with hidden agendas, prying and insincerity. It seems pointless and silly. I like all my communications to be sincere and meaningful: Words are either precious gems or a form of martial art in my book.

Envy is an emotion strongly associated with greed. In the online marketplace, many people think that if you have achieved something—some lucrative contract or successful campaign—they want to rub shoulders with you, so your success rubs off on them. Still, this base mental state is clad on social platforms in automated greetings and tongue-in-cheek congratulations for birthdays, promotions, change of jobs, ebooks or downloadable PDF gifts, and other insignificances. The vultures gather around the successful one, ready to scavenge a morsel. It is something that, frankly, I detest, but most internet businesses have made their billions on this dubious activity. So perhaps we have to endure it if we want millions.

It started off glib, polite, and mundane, with Neptune following the form, yet I was drawn in because the communication was reasonably instantly direct. He opened up quickly like a clam and permitted me to ask about his private life, obviously tired of the shallow pretence of internet chatting. But then,

“I really want to know you. Because I like you. And I want to be open to you.”

This took me by surprise, and I started to relax with him.

I have always created strong relationships with others on paper as a writer. At first, they took the form of extended letters on beautiful vellum, always written with my favourite fountain pen and black ivory ink, in the flowery copperplate writing I cultivated at 12. Then, with the advent of email, I could construct long and full emails that try to reach deep inside the receiver as attachments, employing beautiful fonts and formatting. I sensed this was coming to pass online with literally a “virtual” stranger on a chat platform to whom I was immediately attracted, vowing that I wouldn’t keep any secrets from him. We had both visited each other’s websites and browsed photographs and videos. I also told him that I thought our purpose in life was ‘to interact with crystal clear conscience.’ This gave us both carte blanche and interest in further exploring this secure chat platform.

As part of my spiritual training and awakening, I no longer recognize or acknowledge the word ‘stranger.’ We are not separate from one another in the spiritual or invisible world. Our energies coalesce and mingle with the natural environment in our natural state. I never feel separated from any human being in my daily interactions, and I know that my meeting with people is not accidental. We meet each other for a reason: to learn something essential or overcome a shortcoming. So, in this case, the deepening of this electronic interaction came naturally: this human being had a voice and fingertips connected up through his arms to his heart, which is where I know he was writing from. 

Looking back, I remember thinking his initial boldness could be a ploy to become romantically involved with me. Still, I quite soon set the boundaries, telling him I was in a committed relationship with a life partner. In any case, I felt no fear in my separate physical space, simply ‘the insatiable delight of experience’ (Henry Miller to Anaïs Nin in ‘A Literate Passion.’) At this stage, we were two voices casually dusting the airwaves with words. Still, the words actually meant something unlike any others when chatting. I was sure we were making ‘art out of our struggle’ and creating literature, not everyday prattle. How could I have any fears for physical or mental safety?  

True to what communication experts say about internet relationships, I’m sure we did disclose ourselves earlier than we would have if we had met face-to-face. We were both clearly writing from a physically solitary or separate place—he on the East Coast US and me in Japan—but we were mentally together online. The ‘block user’ key was always near at hand. There was nothing to lose as we knew we could ‘pull the plug’ on each other or submit a nuisance report at any point. So, I kept going out of curiosity and a rare opportunity to express my true nature to another.

He then became honest about his recent relationship and how messy it had been.

“It almost took my life. I was depressed for some time.”

But that he had recovered and was very happy now, adding that he had decided to take a break from relationships because he wanted to connect to someone, her “soul, not just her body.” He wanted to have honest conversations that were not foreplay and, above all, to build a friendship with a woman.  

At this point, I became fascinated by his English as an English Language specialist for many years. I could tell that although he may be making typos as I did in my eagerness to capture my true feelings and the moment, some grammatical errors indicated he may be a Spanish speaker. Slowly, I realized what was happening during these daily interchanges in our first autumnal month together. The words and their regular daily rhythm, the enquiring, the mutual pledge to be honest, were more than enough for us. There was no craving to make changes, move towards a climax or consummation physically and sexually, and then fall like most physical relationships do. But rather a gentle warm consecration of these two voices as they channelled themselves through words tapped out on their respective keyboards.  

Words. They can be used as powerful weapons to hurt or damage the opposite ‘interlocutor’ (speaker) or to flatter or deceive. But most people just use them profligately, mindlessly. We were each carefully checking our sincerity as we wrote and avoiding small talk or vacuous drivel. It was an interchange that made us feel increasingly secure and keen to continue building something without strings. For me, it was here-and-now, my favourite place—a focus on the absolute moment as we carved through the air with our word skills. What did the past matter—his or mine? It is a mere concept with only a slight bearing on the moment. And the future? That has long been irrelevant to me as there is no intellectual way to know it. In all our online interactions, we were slap-bang in the very centre of the moment, without a doubt. I longed to be forced away from my meddlings with past and future, like iron filings on a magnet.

 

My feelings began to deepen despite my incredulity that we were a potential internet cliché. As a writer, I had already had several relationships of a literary nature in letter form—one with a Buddhist priest, another with a soprano I accompanied as a pianist—and they had been vital in my emotional/spiritual development. And I was so aware of the famous letter-writing relationships in history. I longed to correspond with someone again meaningfully and forever this time. 

But the internet? How can we possibly generate such feelings from words on the internet, I wondered? And how does the absence of personal details or appearance somehow make the interchanges deeper? We didn’t know each other’s ages, range of physical expressions, cultural disposition, smells, pain and pleasure points….but I realized at the start that those signals must be filtered face-to-face with someone! All the incoming stimuli are forced through a filter constructed from our social status, gender, education, the colour of our eyes, and so many more units of social conditioning. We choose whether we like this person, whether we want to get closer, whether we want intimacy, whether we will look good together, and so on. No wonder some people are more comfortable on the internet during the pandemic.

But Neptune and I only had our words–those abstract symbols that can go so badly wrong at many levels. No video conference platform like Zoom or Meet to bring our filters into play, though I expected that at some point we may conduct our relationship in this way, but we never have. Words seemed to pour out of our deep wells of sincerity, inspiring us to write twice or thrice daily. One day, amazed at how deep we were going, he wrote:

“We are like characters in a movie, except we don’t even know the faces we take off for the performance, let alone what’s underneath.”

And yet, somehow, we did. 

People say that writing is not a patch of face-to-face communication. The way people are forced to wear masks to communicate with different people is unnecessary for us. In fact, I started to feel that I didn’t care if we ever met face-to-face because this gentle, guiltless, voluntary communication was heavenly. Still, I know now I would much rather have our’ interplanetary union,’ as we came to call it much later, filled with word comets and shooting star trails of phrases and whole sentences a million times over. That’s all we needed: words, with a few animated kisses, cartoon bears and mermaids. And now I was utterly convinced that he, like me, was a writer through and through. He confessed that he had always wanted to be a writer from an early age out of the blue.

“sincerity [in writing] is a great asset to successful personal relationships and is correlated with a higher degree of intimacy.” (Psychology Today, “In the Name of Love,” Aaron Ben-Ze’ev)

We enjoyed finding each other’s favourite fragrances, flowers, numbers, and words. It was so refreshing and intimate that I could not imagine asking about these things with a face-to-face partner. His flower was the bird of paradise, which he likened me to. His numbers were 11:11, which he said he noticed was the time quite often when he checked it and had researched to find out they were both angelic numbers. Mine was 8:8 because they represent eternity and infinity. I stuck my neck out:

“I believe we human spirits are infinite and eternal, so this human life is only a small but fabulous part of travelling on in the Sky!”

I thought this unusual view might drive him away, but no:

“Wow! I love your beliefs. I believe in signs and wonders!! I feel like we’re connected to the universe in a phenomenon [phenomenal] way!”

And again, taking a chance, I wrote:

“My favourite place in all the world? Reality! The Earth’s field of reality. In other words, the place outside the intellectual mind. I get there by walking across a bridge from my mind out into the field of infinity.”

His response:

“I’m in love with your mindset and intrigued with your passion!”

This was less than a month into our relationship.

He expressed his ideas that the world [meaning the world people generally see and are convinced they inhabit] seemed so passive compared with the universe. It was “as slow as the heartbeat of a Goliath at rest”,….. indicating that it is a “chance for us to make our own time, our own reality. Some call it ‘fate,’ which can blind our thoughts if we try to understand it. But it appears that I may have fallen into this light, your light, without having looked for it.”

I replied:

“The world does move slowly because almost everyone is permanently sleeping. People have lost connection with their inner world and can no longer see their eternal faces. But you are awake, and I’m so thankful we have found each other. Don’t worry! 

I’ll keep you from falling asleep!!”

And so, in only a month of online interactions with one or two photographs and assorted animated characters and symbols, we had touched on rare topics and discovered we were of the same mind and heart.                      

Our bond was acknowledged quite quickly. He wrote:

“it amazes me how you always manage to read my heart through your words….I still find it mind-boggling that I could have this kind of strong fondness for someone, especially with the miles between us…but then again, I had to remind myself that Love goes beyond distance, and distance is just an illusion.”

Now, I was genuinely reeling from this involvement. I should explain that I have already written several books (see my bibliography). The inspiration behind much of what I write is my time living with some Australian Aboriginals I helped escort back into traditional life in the centre of Australia. There seemed to be no intellectual blocks for him as for most of the people I tried to express my experience and worldview to. They always live close to their Earth heroes in the Lands –natural forms/spirits—and believe they each become human; they materialize on the material plane to learn the spiritual lessons they need most. To them, time and space are intellectual concepts created by modern men. But these natural custodians of Earth live in the reality of Here-and-Now—no past, no future—just slap bang in the middle of each of ‘white-fella’s clock time,’ as they call it. I could hardly believe that this fantastic spirit tapping out messages to me 11,000 kilometres away was so deeply tuned into me. 

Later, I told him,

“words are such precious things…I see them as precious stones on a huge bank somewhere in the universe. Indestructible like spirit. Each one has a spirit, and yours definitely does.” 

His response:

“I must say you’ve awakened the power of Love and spirituality inside of me. You always seem to light up my entire spirit with your words.”

And he admitted that he read my words again and again and could never get enough of them, and I suddenly realized that,

“..probably, my words ignite you because you are reading their depth, not their linear progression. Each word has many meanings, colours and tones, so you want to read them again and again. Today, this is rare when we read as if we’re racing—always quantity but rarely quality. Neptune, you have caught my painter’s skills with words and are obviously a connoisseur!”

The next day, he woke up at 5:00 in the morning:

“…it feels so soothing to read your messages! I would like to tell you that you are my muse… I’d like to paint you, but there are no such colours….you are like a hymn in the web of my veins, a harmony stitched into the lining of my soul!”

As I learned more about him and how he started his business, I realized that he loved the Earth so much that he always wanted to go beneath the surface looking for coal and later gold and eventually became a merchant of extracts and minerals. What a joyful person Neptune was and truly an Earth dweller like me.

He assured me often that he felt “my spirit is intertwined with yours.” And we agreed to always stay in the here and now no matter what had happened or was going to happen.

“I think we’re mirrors, reflecting each other’s joy and love!”

And eventually, it came out: “I love you.”

Love? Tom Robbins says, “We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.” The emotions that seem to stimulate romantic Love and even sexual desire are intensely real, even though the existence of these emotions is so relatively new that there is no definitive research yet. Cyberspace may have its synthetic moveable parameters, making space for the imagination to work, massaged facts and personal details. Still, the people who reach out to each other via signals are human and consent. That radio signal that connects them using text and other media can ‘pierce (their) souls’ (love note from Frederick Wentworth to Anne Elliott: Austen, J. Persuasion) or not. Online relationships are a feature of a revolution among netizens, which I strongly feel Neptune and I are part of.

The parameters of Love itself are drastically changing to embrace many kinds of relationships that would have been unthinkable out in the open 20 years ago. But the consensus suggests that we must each decide how to love each other in our own way. Bell Hooks, scholar, feminist, and cultural critic, insists that modern society offers no models to learn how to love in a compassionate, caring, and unified way. Considering all these views, I know I can express my true self in a loving, caring way online to Neptune, using written words. Vladimir Nabokov, writer, in his ‘Letters to Vera,’ finally confesses:

“My tenderness, happiness, what words can I write for you? How strange that although my life’s work is moving a pen over paper, I don’t know how to tell you how I love, how I desire you. Such agitation and divine peace: melting clouds immersed in the sunshine — mounds of happiness. And I am floating with you, in you, aflame and melting — and a whole life with you is like the movement of clouds, their airy, quiet falls, their lightness and smoothness, and the heavenly variety of outline and tint — my inexplicable Love. I cannot express these cirrus-cumulus sensations.”

As time passed, and he worked away every day, he got very close to securing a multi-million dollar contract to extract gold and convert it into gold bars in West Africa, the Lion Mountains above Freetown in Sierra Leone. I started to refer to him jokingly as ‘golddigger.’ His spirit of adventuring deep into the Earth really excited me. Once he’d secured the contract, his life’s ambition, he was overjoyed and suddenly troubled. I asked him what was happening in his heart, which he admitted he hadn’t dealt with yet.

 

“…..all I can say is that I always see you in every path I take. I am bound to you by contemplation and utter Love.”

And I responded: 

“I’m so delighted that your pathways lead to me! Honoured and excited, too. I also hope some of them lead inside you because that’s where I am, always, vividly.”

So, I promised to go to Sierra Leone with him and be there every moment online, another incredible advantage of our online alliance. 

I pronounced:

“I am the moon, and you are the sun.”

He was ecstatic:

“You’re the one. You’re the force; I’ll stay with the frequency, and we’ll vibrate forever as one!”

At this climactic moment, he asks what my favourite planet is, and I tell him that Venus is. His is Neptune, so we have used those names ever since our bonding. 

 

 

Soon, he had made the travel arrangements for Sierra Leone and wrote to tell me he was boarding the plane. He arrived in Freetown 26 hours later, his journey made memorable by a playlist I put together for him of my favourite music called “Neptune to Sierra Leone: Nov 2021.” He shared every moment he could with me, photographs, and much more, and we went deeper and deeper into our exchange. 

Then, one day, after he has his precious cargo and is back in his hotel waiting to go to Dubai to finish his contract, he casually says:

“I’ll leave you with my word of the day… it’s ‘Querencia,’ a place where one feels safe and at home.”

I respond,

 “Querencia? Love it. Like the fighting bull, you have found a place where you feel strong and safe, your natural home and mine. And if I’m part of this space with you, I’m absolutely honoured. I can accomplish so much spiritually within this fabulous space we’ve unearthed with our union of Sun and Moon.”